Do married men know when their wives are having affairs?
08.06.2025 08:13
I came home from work about 8:30 pm. This was normal for me. There was a security system salesperson from Monotronics sitting at our dining room table. He was tall, slender and probably in his late twenties. My stepson and daughter were in our converted garage playing a game. My X was sitting at the bar in her pajamas. I thought “what the hell is going on here”?! My X explained that he was here to sell us a home security system and the man began his sales pitch. During his pitch, I started thinking that maybe he is just here professionally and that I should not be worried. I still trusted my wife at the time (silly, I know now). At the end of his pitch, I asked him if he wanted to see upstairs (where the bedrooms were), and he said he had already been up there! Jesus, I was so stupid! On his way out, the salesman said, “Thanks for not kicking me in the shins”. I am 5′4″ and he was about 5′11″. After thinking
9. She locked me out of the bedroom.
5. “Sad little man” is what she frequently called me.
4. You have nothing I want (as she glanced down at my crotch).
I couldn’t figure out when it was happening. I didn’t have smoking gun proof. I knew that she was wearing the new VS underwear to work and that she did not want me showing up to her work with her favorite Starbucks drink. I was in full on Batman detective mode. I found the new VS panties (that she would not wear for me) she wore that day in the close hamper after a full day of work. The gusset had large stains that reminded me of my favorite sock in high school. This happened many times.
In the story, the wife seemed genuinely remorseful. She talked about all the compulsory cheating signs and explained how disrespectful she was towards her husband. I realized my X had all the signs. All the feelings of hurt and betrayal came rushing back like it had just happened. I’ve probably cried twice in my adult life, and this was one of them. There was no change in respirations or facial expressions, just a thick stream of tears for about two minutes. I have no doubt now that she had cheated many times, and I was the stupid, trusting, gullible, cuckhold.
I was married for 10 years, and I have been divorced for ten years. I am now 51 years old, and my X is the same age.
7. She would tell me “men are coming on to her at work and I don’t want you showing up at my work anymore”.
Ten years later, I still have trust issues, and the anger is always so strong!
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X pushed for divorce. I was emasculated. Void of any self-respect or dignity. She told me that if I signed the divorce decree she prepared, she would let me see my daughter as much as possible. My only solace at the time was hearing my daughter laugh. My daughter’s laughter was like balm on by broken heart. I signed. After the divorce, I only saw my daughter 30% of the time and I had to pay X 75k over nine years. I never got my pound of flesh. X betrayed me in the worst possible way, and she was rewarded. She just got to move on with her happy life.
I sat in the parking lot across from her work after her lunch hour and witnessed a man getting out of her car that I did not recognize. He was older and had a beard. More gaslighting occurred when I asked her if she was cheating.
She started saying the meanest thing she could think of to say (fourth red flag). Here are some of the things she would say/do:
At the time, I was determined to save my marriage. I thought I could endure anything. I became a doormat. It is so embarrassing that I put up with her behavior. Never again!
3. You don’t have a real job.
I came home from coaching at a regional competition and there were two of our fancy glasses in the dishwasher that we only used on special occasions. I asked X who she had drinks with, and she said, “I was just washing them”. The glasses are a set of 4. Why wouldn’t she wash all of them?
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10. She pounded on my chest with both fists and said “I hate you” over and over.
12. Shaving downstairs but not for me (sixth red flag).
I suddenly found myself in a dead bedroom (first red flag, pulling away physically). Just like any other man, I thought “If my wife is not getting it at home, she must be getting it somewhere”. I asked her if she was cheating on me, and she began gaslighting. She said she was not cheating, and I needed to seek professional help so I can get over my jealousy. I realized much later that this was evidence that she was also pulling away from me emotionally. Her statement meant that she did not feel like she was responsible for my emotional wellbeing (second red flag, pulling away emotionally).
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2. You can’t provide for your family.
8. She threw her wedding ring in the toilet 2x, and I would clean it and try to give it back.
11. She bought new VS bras and panties but not for me (fifth red flag).
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I never really had a “D” day but there was an awakening. About eight years after the divorce, I stumbled across one of the cheating stories that I have become addicted to. It was from the perspective of a woman that cheated on her husband. I usually don’t like stories from the perspective of the woman because it is mostly her explaining that it was her husband's fault that she cheated.
One night we went to visit family friends. One of them (male) was having relationship problems and my X and him went outside to talk about his troubles. After about 15 minutes, I went out to help with the conversation and they were nowhere to be found. I went all the way around the house (it was dark) and still could not find them. I went back inside, and they were not there either. They came back in, about 20 more minutes later, through the back door and my X wife’s clothes were different. Her shirt was tucked in differently. After that night we stopped hanging out with the family because my X didn’t want to see them anymore. We did meet up with them in the hallway of a hotel in California. He rushed up to my X as she turned away and tickled her ribs. What was that about? This had never happened before.
1. You're not a man.
6. She called me “inbred trailer trash”.
I was coaching in California, and we finished the competition on Saturday. I told my X that I would drive all night so that I could spend Sunday with her. (I wish I hadn’t told her so that I could surprise her.) When I got home on Sunday, she was not happy to see me, and she was washing the sheets from our marital bed.
Suddenly, she was always on her phone, and she was protective of her phone (third red flag). She turned her phone away from me when she was texting. She never left her phone unattended. She slept with her phone under her pillow. She called me clueless. She must have had a conversation with her AP where AP asked if I was getting suspicious and she said something like “no he is clueless, he trusts me to a fault and believes everything I tell him”.
13. After she divorced me, she liked to tell me how happy she is now that she is with a “real man”. (I finally had to stop talking to her)
The follow scenarios occurred during the last three years of my marriage:
about this statement, I realized that that comment most likely came from my X wife! The salesperson must have asked her “will your husband be upset and try to kick my ass when he gets home?” and she must have replied something like “he is very short, the most he could do is kick you in the shins”. So, did she sleep with the salesperson upstairs in our bedroom while the kids were downstairs in the converted garage?! There were suspicious smudge marks on the closet door in our bedroom up high that could have been a handprint with lube. Ugh! My X is 5′1″ (95 lbs.) by the way. What happened up against the closet door?
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During the seventh year of our marriage, she had her boobs done. They were fantastic. I felt like a 5-year-old on Christmas morning every time I saw them. We tore each other's clothes off like fighting cats every chance we got, and life was great… for about 5 months.
She made trips to Denver 2x/year to take our daughter to see her orthopedic doctor. She came back from one of the trips and X told me she shared a hotel room with the realtor husband and wife team that sold us our house. We were friends with the couple. The room was a suite. Apparently, X and my daughter slept in the bedroom (my daughter was 5 at the time) and our friends slept on the pullout couch in the living room of the suite. Why didn’t my X wife tell me beforehand that she was planning on sharing a hotel room with the married couple? The next time I saw the couple in Walmart, they saw me first and practically ran from me when I tried to say hello. We also stopped hanging out with the couple after the trip. What happened in Denver?
Never again!!!
During the last three years of my marriage, the bedroom was pretty much dead. I did, vary rarely, get pity sex. I noticed that it felt different. I, unfortunately, reverse engineered the term “lady boner”. Sex with her felt like throwing a hot dog in a hallway. I realized that she had lost her “lady boner” for me.
Cheating is a separate issue from marital problems. You can have marital problems and still be faithful to your partner. Cheaters cheat because they lack morals and have no respect for their spouse.